


Haze

by BarricadeKitten (Dominatrix)



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Friends With Benefits, Grantaire is in love and Enjolras has no idea, M/M, Pining Grantaire, Someone cuddle Grantaire and make him a cup of tea, This is not Happy, dysfunctional, self-destructive thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-09
Updated: 2014-11-09
Packaged: 2018-02-24 18:13:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2591297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dominatrix/pseuds/BarricadeKitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Grantaire is not okay with the way things are. But it's still better than not being near Enjolras at all. At least that's what he tells himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Haze

**Author's Note:**

> My dearest kittens,  
> I'm sorry for all the pain, but I just felt like it. Fluffier times will come, promise.  
> Love, Liz x

He's looking up at Enjolras, eyes still clouded with this pleasant feeling of forgetting everything around him except the hot breath in his ear and sweaty limbs sticking to each other. It's not late enough yet that he feels disgusted by himself, which is good. It will come though. It always does.

There are marks on Enjolras' skin, his jaw, his collarbones, his chest and his back. Standing out in shades of red that match his bitten lips, they make him seem a bit more human and a bit less like marble.

Grantaire feels proud because he knows the marks will stay longer than just to the next shower. If he's lucky, Enjolras will have them for days. At least Grantaire will be with him for a while, long after his bed and his soul are cold and empty again.

He wants to reach out to Enjolras and touch his face, smooth his finger over his cheekbone, run a hand through his curls. He doesn't do it. It seems too intimate, which seems weird. Considering the fact they fucked each other into a different dimension only minutes ago.

It's still something different. This is _after._ Grantaire has never liked _after_.

It's quiet, no sound but their breaths still sped up, clothes ruffling while Enjolras dresses again, and his heartbeat racing in his head, hands still burning from where he gripped Enjolras so hard he left bruises. So hard Grantaire hoped Enjolras would notice that he is not okay. Far from it, actually. But he doesn't. He never does.

Enjolras doesn't smile at him, because Grantaire snapped one time when he did _after_.

When he does it before it's fine.

While they're doing it, still good.

Grantaire doesn't even know why. Maybe he just can't handle the lies _after_. There is only so much he can take.

That's why Enjolras doesn't talk at all when they're done, and Grantaire is grateful. Glad, even.

Well. As glad as he can be when he feels shot, stabbed, drowned, generally miserable. His body feels empty, but he's not floating. His mind is always pushing him back down like someone asking for a blow job and not taking no for an answer.

Grantaire is not okay, but maybe he will be tomorrow.

Probably not, but it's worth a shot.

He watches Enjolras leave his room without a look back, because he has everything he wants and Grantaire has nothing.

And that's the only way it works.

Enjolras will text him, and Grantaire will say _Yea sure come over. Stab me again, tear me apart. Just do something with me. As long as your hands are on me, as long as you pay attention to me, I don't care. Whatever. Go on and kill me. But make it last a long time._

Grantaire is not okay. But when he's in this haze, it barely matters.


End file.
